Author
The Fence
47 articles
Articles
The Carbuncle Cup 2026
Presenting the Carbuncle Cup, crowning what we believe to be the very worst new building in Britain built in the past two years.
15 June 2026
Our Cringe Century
Since the start of the millennium Britain has found new and exquisite ways to humiliate herself. Here, in order, are the most embarrassing moments.
5 May 2026
Rumours of Our Death
Forecasts of print’s demise have been around for as long as press barons have been buying ink by the barrel.
18 December 2025
The Ceremonial Counties of England… Ranked!
A deeply subjective guide to the shires, starting at the top and finishing, of course, at the bottom. We brook no arguments.
17 December 2025
The K&R Man
Everybody’s got a price. Meet the man who sets it – a former negotiator in the kidnap-for-ransom industry. Yes, it’s an industry.
8 July 2025
Big in Japan
You wouldn’t have met their fans, they go to a different school. In Canada.
16 June 2025
The Grantham Anthem
Kieran Morris and Fergus Butler-Gallie are both obsessed with the Iron Lady, so they took the train to Lincolnshire for a Thatcher-fuelled day out.
13 January 2025
Nobel Endeavours II
We return to ask some stupid questions of the smartest people on Earth and, once more, our Nobelists oblige.
19 December 2024
Snooker Loopy
Two writers face off in a grudge match of snooker: the fanciful, ludicrous game of punished error and forced embarrassment. Róisín Lanigan cues off first...
9 December 2024
Beach Bums
In France? Sure. In Italy? Why not. But in chilly Blighty? Surely nobody could stand it. Some can. We uncover the naked truth behind Britain’s nudist beaches and their stern, shrivelled patrons.
12 September 2024
Nature’s Cruellest Mistake
Take even a cursory glance at the natural world and very soon you will find all sorts of creatures with ridiculously outsized capabilities to slay the planet’s one true custodian: us lot, humankind.
12 September 2024
Who Louis Should’ve Met
Rather than the worthy docs about mental health and alcoholism, here are the programmes that Monsieur Theroux should have seen through: the weekends away with the freaks, bad hats and oddballs that…
12 September 2024
All Possible Plots II
You could read a book, but why bother? Here, we list all the possible plots every author could come up with instead.
20 August 2024
146 Questions with Jordan Stephens
We ask some more stupid questions to one half of Rizzle Kicks.
18 July 2024
For Your Eyes Only
What does it mean to handle sensitive information? We spoke to a suite of nodes from across the pipeline to learn more about the power of confidential intel, in all of its forms.
3 July 2024
Cooking in Prison
From working in the toilet to throwing melons of overpasses: We asked another squadron of journalists to tell us about the most excruciating pitches they’ve ever sent.
26 June 2024
Bread and Circuses
There are a lot of industry parties in London. Not all of them are good. We ranked them in all the key metrics (professional advancement, fun, chat, narcotics, horniness).
18 June 2024
The Carbuncle Cup 2024
Presenting the Carbuncle Cup, crowning what we believe to be the very worst new building in Britain to be opened since 31 August 2018, the last time the award was handed out.
11 June 2024
The Fence Saves The West End
How do you solve a problem like a theatre scene in terminal decline? We have twenty solutions, none of which break copyright or libel laws.
22 March 2024
Seven Ages of Cool
What defines the amorphous idea of ‘coolness’ in each age of life? If you are cool too early in life, can you recapture that golden era? What is the optimum age to be considered the apex of cool?
7 February 2024
146 Questions with… Dolly Alderton
Vogue may have their 73 Questions, and that's all very well and good – but we have twice as many questions, and ours are better.
23 December 2023
Nationalist Sodas
It’s not always The Real Thing.
24 April 2023
Lest, We Forgot
Six months after its foiling, we explored the impermanence of scandal around an abortive terrorist tragedy in Liverpool.
24 April 2023
Nobel Endeavours
We asked the smartest people in the world some of the stupidest questions we could think of.
24 April 2023
Under the Chancellor’s Thumb
We asked the world's leading historians a question: what is the single greatest fact in modern political history?
24 April 2023
Drinking with the Greats
Legends of British History, yes, but good value in the pub?
18 April 2023
Severn’s Samurai
Fighting an army of angels with the scariest man in the world.
18 April 2023
Comfort in Solitude
A sheath of curios from the country's favourite radio programme, Desert Island Discs.
18 April 2023
Final Acts
Here’s a lesser-spotted history of grand farewells from people who died doing what they loved: saying and/or doing strange things.
18 April 2023
Lib Dems Around the World
We proffer some brand solutions for Britain’s beleaguered third party.
18 April 2023
A Freak Is a Long Time in Politics
Here’s the strongest squad of freaks ever assembled, who could take on any opposition: past or present, at home or abroad.
1 December 2022
146 Questions with Adebayo Akinfenwa
In which we debut a new profile series set to take the magazine industry by storm.
1 December 2022
Less than Hero
As Marvel and DC mine ever deeper pockets of their canon, we shine a light on some of the lesser-spotted comic book characters they might eventually get round to featuring.
1 December 2022
Blair’s Blokes
A collection of essays on the men who stood tall in the age of Sir Tony.
23 November 2022
How British is Succession?
We sink our teeth into the show that everyone is talking about.
23 May 2022
Destitution Row
A modest compendium of those who died penniless.
23 May 2022
Paper, Planes
How many tanks could Chris Tarrant buy if he really wanted?
25 April 2022
How to Spot a Secret Tory
How come the Conservative Party maintains power? Because these people keep voting for them.
25 July 2021
Why Are You Asking Me This?
We asked a host of eminent minds a series of inane questions.
25 July 2021
Monkey Tennis
A compendium of excruciatingly bad pitches.
23 May 2021
No Choice But to Stan
From try-hard to die-hard, here is a guide to who likes what and why.
25 April 2021
Lockdown Culture with Werner Herzog
We recently had five minutes with the venerable German director, and used that time to ask him about his cultural pursuits during a year of lockdown.
25 April 2021
Fourth Estate or Fifth Column?
We asked a series of journalists and experts how they saw the relationships between patronage, print and power in Britain today.
22 April 2021
Shit Literary Siblings
With tales of forgotten literary siblings now in vogue, we are pleased to introduce you to some forgotten and frankly forgettable blood relations of the canon.
25 March 2021
What the LRB Bought Me
We asked contributors how they spark joy in this diminishing world.
16 December 2020
All Possible Plots by Major Authors
We praise canonical authors for their boundless imagination. Then why do all their plots feel the same?
8 September 2020
The Opportunistic Emails of Benjamin Disraeli
Dizzy will do anything to see his name emboldened within print.
23 May 2020