euston bear
Peruvian caniform delivered to a less desirable London station. Now lives off Burger King wrapper sandwiches after his adoption by a group of kindly heroin addicts.
the honourable jeremy dracula
Younger brother of the Count. Vegetarian – though would be vegan, if only he could resist sinking his fangs into a nice bit of halloumi. Local councillor for the Transylvania Lib Dems.
hubert humbert
Scout leader and community activist who finds that his DBS checks take much longer than they really should.
edna baggins
Agoraphobic female Hobbit. Reliant on second breakfasts delivered by Uber Eats.
walter wonka
A Kettering dentist with a phobia of dwarves.
the inept mr ripley
Credulous and bungling American holidaymaker serving a lengthy prison term for accidentally shoplifting a novelty fridge magnet from a kiosk at an Italian seaside resort.
gary potter
Unremarkable 11-year-old boy referred to counselling services after butchering an owl with a penknife.
the much younger brother karamazov
Not as obsessed with discussing God, free will, or the unspeakable cruelties of life, Dermot Karamazov had a passion for Warhammer, building kit cars, and currently works as assistant manager of the Bromley branch of Halfords.
