The Fence

Monkey

Tennis

Monkey

Tennis

We asked our favourite journalists for the worst, most excruciating pitch they ever had the temerity to send. Here’s what they said.

Exit,

Pursued by a Bear

Exit,

Pursued by a Bear

Before the pandemic, London’s theatres were in a state of artistic necrosis. Our theatre world insider asks whether, after a year of enforced shutdown, anything will change.

LOTO goes YOLO

Keir Starmer's Summer Festival Guide.

The

State

of Nature

The

State

of Nature

Can I shock you? I like nature writing. I can’t go along with political dismissals of the genre: it’s too big and wide for that, even in its present denuded state. When it’s done well – and it sometimes is, we’ll get to that eventually – it’s a rich, exciting, even exhilarating form.

Wan

Little

Husks

Wan

Little

Husks

Is Joyce Carol Oates entirely correct or is she a hateful elitist monster whose books should be tossed into a gully?

My Year

in Somerset

My Year

in Somerset

James Bloodworth has spent the year shielding his grandmother deep in the English countryside.

Bonus Bonanza

Want to know how much bankers earn? A veteran investment banker lays out the unblushing figures.

In Sickness

and in Health

In Sickness

and in Health

It was wedding bells and COVID drills for Jade Angeles Fitton.

Shit Literary Siblings

With tales of forgotten literary siblings now in vogue, we are pleased to introduce you to other forgotten and frankly forgettable blood relations of the canon.

London Coffee Shops as

Failed Dating Experiences

London Coffee Shops as

Failed Dating Experiences

Alex Marraccini compares past dates with women to trendy London coffee shops. And a bit more.

Novelists, Online

We speak to authors on both sides of the Atlantic about their addiction to social media.

Baby Donald

A short story from Tanjil Rashid.

At the Altar of Capital

Fergus Butler-Gallie on how the Tory Party lost its religion to the pull of the market.

Subscribe here

from £25 only

Subscribe here

from £25 only

A Jesus Fish

Out of Water

A Jesus Fish

Out of Water

An investigation into Senator Josh Hawley’s year in London, where he worked as a teacher at an elite private school and prepared popcorn to watch the US invasion of Iraq.

What the LRB

Bought Me

What the LRB

Bought Me

We asked Britain’s most radical writers how they spark joy.

Pray Not to Be Gay

Inside the sick, sad world of conversion therapy.

Food Fight

Why do Britain’s food writers hate each other?

Life on the Cut

Josh Mcloughlin on his years of continuous cruising.

FBPE Fantasia

Séamas O'Reilly unpicks the last four years of remainiac delusions and Tory malfeasance, in the hope of finding out how the rush to rejoin ended up beached on digital sands?

Rev. Revolutionised

Another round of clerical dispatches from Stoke Newington.

May Day

Short fiction by Sophie Mackintosh.

Secret

Chef Reviews

Marina O'Loughlin

Secret

Chef Reviews

Marina O'Loughlin

Five stars on the house for the Sunday Times' anonymous critic!

Who Called Boris

on Friday?

Who Called Boris

on Friday?

A tipster’s guide to which donor forced through the grouse shooting exemption.

How to Write

In a world exclusive, The Fence is delighted to publish three extracts from Martin Amis’ newest novel.

All Possible Plots

by Major Authors

All Possible Plots

by Major Authors

We praise canonical authors for their boundless imagination. Then why do all their plots feel the same?

National Harambe Service

A short story from Omar Al-Khayatt.

My Prodigy Son

Lockdown has been hard for all parents, but especially challenging for one particular correspondent.

A Series of

Unfortunate Names

A Series of

Unfortunate Names

What’s in a name? John Phipps fires up his LinkedIn and investigates.

Our Friends in Hereford

A military insider explains why the Special Air Service is permitted to act with deadly impunity.

Wild Swimming:

Our Half-arsed

Cultural Critic

Dips a Toe

And Phones It In

Wild Swimming:

Our Half-arsed

Cultural Critic

Dips a Toe

And Phones It In

Reporting live on Photogenica Moneyshire, last seen live at Hampstead Ponds.

Empire State of Mind

Imogen West-Knights imagines what her life will be like when she moves to New York after all this is over.

The Busiest

Man in Journalism

The Busiest

Man in Journalism

An interview with the New York Times Correspondent for the New York Times.

On the Trail

of the 'Ndrangheta

On the Trail

of the 'Ndrangheta

Are the Calabrian mafia in London? Anna Sergi and Claudio Petrozziello investigate.

London

Train

Stations

as Serial

Killers

London

Train

Stations

as Serial

Killers

A conceit upon the history of our rail service.

The Publishing World

Has Gone Viral

The Publishing World

Has Gone Viral

All the plague-centred book trends that you need to know now!

The Opportunistic

Emails of

Benjamin Disraeli

The Opportunistic

Emails of

Benjamin Disraeli

Dizzy will do anything to see his name emboldened within print.

Digital Media Carnage

Endless lay-offs and cocaine goody bags: inside a famous new media publication.

Flann At

Westminster

Flann At

Westminster

Our correspondent, Flann O’Brien, tours Westminster, bringing us news, views, and change from a twenty, depending on your round.

A Letter

from the ICU

A Letter

from the ICU

A must-read dispatch from a doctor working in a major London hospital.

Zest of the Rest:

3 issues for £10

Zest of the Rest:

3 issues for £10

Alice in

Medialand

Alice in

Medialand

A Private Eyevent! Featuring the rt. hon. Lord Poshlip and many more.

Yellow

Nailpolish,

a Short Story

Yellow

Nailpolish,

a Short Story

Every contemporary short story ever published – as imagined by A.K. Blakemore.

Diary of an

Urban Parson

Rev. Refreshed

Diary of an

Urban Parson

Rev. Refreshed

Laurence Sterne meets Adrian Mole in this clerical dispatch.

Conversations

with Friends

about

Sally Rooney

Conversations

with Friends

about

Sally Rooney

Ella Cory-Wright provides an epistolary inquiry into the zeitgeist and herself.

The Diary of

Samuel

Pepys

iPhone Addict

The Diary of

Samuel

Pepys

iPhone Addict

Thence I to my office, and all afternoon opening and closing the Guardian homepage.

Politics

Off

Grid

Politics

Off

Grid

Our anonymous insider at Broadcasting House relays the bizarre working practices of this beleaguered institution.

English Lit. Canon and their

Current Views on Brexit

English Lit. Canon and their

Current Views on Brexit

Daniel Defoe photoshops Marina Hyde articles, and Chaucer just has a bizarre obsession with Anna Soubry.

Flann

about

Town

Flann

about

Town

Richard Benyon. Owen Paterson. Antoinette Sandbach. All present and correct at Chuka Ummuna’s silent disco.

Chef Bites Back

Slay Rayner!

Nothing British About Britain

When you come to think to it, you realise that there is nothing special about this ridiculous country.

12 Rules

for Getting your

First Book

Published

12 Rules

for Getting your

First Book

Published

Here is the unvarnished and unimprovable guide to getting published, by a member of The Fence in a senior position at a major publishing house.

Super Tutor Confessions

The tales of glamour and glitz are just a front. Our insider tells it like it is.