26. Absurd Ennoblements
One can argue – reasonably – that the honours system has always been ridiculous, that singling people out for doing their jobs, and often very specific jobs at that, is inevitably prone to corruption and folly. However, there can be no denying that successive governments this century have taken this to new and increasingly embarrassing extremes. Whether it is the sight of Simon Heffer in ermine, the rotund vision of Sir Philip Green or the very existence of Baron Lebedev ‘of Hampton and Siberia’: the 21st century has seen a surfeit of operators elevated to a station far beyond their due. That the worst of them all (Mandelson) has only recently been arrested is no saving grace.
25. Superinjunctiongate
David Schneider’s into BDSM. Ryan Giggs was knocking on with the Welsh one from Big Brother 7. No, not Glen, the other one. These allegations – posted by ‘Billy Jones’ from a Twitter account – were the first British scandal of the social media age, as the public discovered that various public figures had been issuing gag orders to the press to keep their indiscretions out of the papers. The ‘no smoke without fire’ pyre burned so bright that one MP, John Hemming, used his parliamentary privilege to confirm Giggs’ affair to the Commons.
24. 9/11 Firefighters Among the Daytime Telly Stars
The seventh National Television Awards, were held six weeks after 9/11, and two firefighters who had been first responders to the inferno – Battalion Chief Richard Blatus and Captain Jim Yakimovich – presented the award for ‘most popular serial drama’ to Eastenders in front of an audience comprising the likes of Chris Tarrant, Richard and Judy, Rolf Harris and a visibly weeping David Jason. In itself, it’s an immaculate slice of cringe, but it’s also the perfect distillation of the imbalance of the Anglo-American relationship that has defined almost the entirety of the century so far.
23. John Lewis Christmas Adverts
The phenomenon of mawkish Christmas ads now seems so hoary as to be eternal, so it is somewhat jarring to recall that the format only slightly predates the David Cameron government. John Lewis began the trend in 2007, begetting its first ‘sad, slow version of a pop hit’ the following year. Since then, everyone from Aldi and Lidl to Disney and Chevrolet have joined this throng, throttling the airwaves with unearned pathos and reducing the time-honoured tradition of getting a little bit weepy at Christmas to a tear-jerking slot machine for vendors of tinsel-covered tat. We’re trapped in a gilded schmaltztopia from which we may now never escape.
