‘To the legal occupier,’ began the first letter. ‘We are investigating your address.’
My partner and I moved into our flat in 2019 without a TV licence. We didn’t need one, but that didn’t matter.
‘We’re giving you 10 days to get correctly licensed,’ read the next. Then: ‘Expect a visit from an enforcement officer.’ There was only one thing to do.
‘I’ll be the inspector,’ said my partner.
He cleared his throat. ‘Hello, this is TV Licensing. Are you the occupier?’
‘Sorry, you can’t come in.’
‘Say you don’t feel safe,’ he suggested. ‘There’s nothing they can say to that.’
Since then, the letters have advanced through their full cycle, like the changing of the seasons. Investigation opened. Get a licence. Expect a visit. The visit still hasn’t happened.
