Dear Readers,
Welcome back to Off The Fence, a newsletter that thought it would cruise the seas for American gold, but is now a broken man on a Halifax pier.
We’re getting damn close to the next issue coming screaming out of the traps and into your laps. We are incredibly excited for you all and we can’t help but show off a little more of some of its most beautiful pages. Below is one of three beautiful illustrations by John Broadley for The Fence’s Five-Year Plan – a powerful piece of Soviet invective that will, once and for all, sort our faltering economy out. If you aren’t subscribed, you’re not only missing out on beautiful illustrations, you’re missing out on a new economic gospel. Sign up today and you’ll get Issue 28 and Issue 29 in the same week.
Now then, to business: Ed Sheeran remind us of Princess Diana, we continue to publish the best journalism known to man and we open up the archives. But first, we hear about some fine little fellows over at the Grauniad.
Night, Night
We don’t really do in-the-weeds media gossip anymore – but the story of the bedbug infestation at the Guardian’s HQ is simply too good a story. As was reported widely yesterday, all the staffers are currently permitted to work from home today while experts carry out an extermination of the mites on-site.
Interestingly, the union has revealed that senior management has known about the bedbug issue for eight months, while also pushing employees to get back in the office for at least three days a week. One insider posits the theory that management knew about the bedbugs when there was a mouse (mice?) problem at the start of the year – but chose to keep the news of a second infestation quiet to break the WFH craze.
It does seem like a classic boardroom screw-up, where workers’ health has been undervalued for the sake of corporate growth. Everyone we spoke to at York Way seems pretty furious about the whole thing.
But at the same time, we can’t help but be #teambedbug in all of this. The ongoing presence of Adrian Chiles, the critical output of Arifa Akbar, their groundbreaking advice to ‘stick to the shade – of a tree if you can’ to avoid the heat, the Guardian has been wildly annoying this year, and we wish that brave community of cimicidae survive their nuclear winter and return for a harvest feast when the staff return.
An Evening on the Town
We have another message from our great friends at Valemark, who are hosting curated dinners. After all – London is full of interesting people you’ll never meet.
You Can Apply For a Ticket Here
North of the Isles
And if you think we’ve had only one piece of writing be drowned in laurels this week, you clearly don’t read the mag enough. Daniel Shailer’s piece about the Shetland separatists and their spiritual king Stuart Hill has been named in Longreads’ top five of the week. It takes its place alongside many other TF gems of old to be featured there and well it should. It’s a piece of writing so good, we barely edited it.
Impossibility Is a Myth
Our biggest investigation yet has been reaping in so much wonderful praise, it’s hard to work out how to fit it all into one neat newsletter item. But kvelling editors that we are, we simply have to share the praise for Jack and Abraham’s work with you here:
‘This is a very good piece of writing and a reminder, if we needed one, that we’re living in the golden age of the blatant liar.’
‘Fascinating story of two bullshit artists and a charity auction. Great reporting.’
‘Excellent story: nearly all of it sounds like fiction.’
‘This is amazing stuff. Brilliant reporting on some highly dubious people, dodgy NFT/bitcoin scams, and art world shenanigans. All centred around Dubai, obviously.’
‘Some bizarre stuff in here - us plebs don’t have a clue what goes on’
All wonderful words that don’t even include the kind endorsements of Henry Dyer, Harry Rose and Hannah Rosefield, a Triple H infinitely preferable to Paul Levesque’s version. It’s not just us saying it, this really is a phenomenal piece of journalism. You’d be a fool not to read it here.
Gone but Never Forgotten
As we consider the impending reign of Issue 29, we are getting rather misty eyed about our glorious Issue 28. Revisit the showreel here, including an insider insight into London’s restaurant scene, Sophie Heawood’s next date, the scourge of private equity and a lesson in pillow talk. Our summer offering also had some of our best features yet, like the heyday of Howard Spooner’s club years.
Roll the Tapes
Unlike some publications, or presidents, we are happy for you to pursue our archive, nay, we encourage it. There are some rather fantastic things to be found. Take Issue 21 with its brilliant long read on Evgeny Lebedev or our Classified Issue featuring a dispatch on cruising in Ukraine as well as the strange case of James Gordon Meek, with a lovely double-page spread of where Britain’s leading architects have chosen to reside. These back issues are readily available on our website, but go quick as some have already sold out, such as our brilliant London Noir special – whose highlights included Clive Martin’s tour of London’s seedy underbelly and Camilla Bell-Davies becoming acquainted with the Russian émigré community in Belgrade.
Early Greggs
John Niven has known Tom Rowlands since his band were called The Dust Brothers and they spent weekends playing to 100 sweaty strangers in a basement off Great Portland Street. Our columnist returns in Issue 28, and this time he has lunch in Alfriston in Sussex, the lucky devil.
Concert for Diana
Ed Sheeran returned to his Loop tour on 19 September, a feat considering over last week he lost every single support act, his band and removed his b stage as he was nervy to get too close to his fans. Opening with a prepared statement the singer said, ‘I have tried in my career to not be a political commentator at any time, because I want my shows to be about unity, not division, and humanity, not politics.’ This struck us as remarkably similar to Queen’s statement when they, what was it, oh yes, played a nine-show run in apartheid South Africa, breaking the United Nations cultural boycott. When questioned Brian May explained, ‘The band is not political - we play to anybody who wants to come and listen.’ John Deacon elaborated, ‘Throughout our career we’ve been a very non-political group’. ‘We enjoy going to new places. […] Basically, we want to play wherever fans want to see us.’ Makes sense!
On the more bizarre end of stadium-sized concerts of yore, it never hurts to delve into the lore of the Concert for Diana, a benefit concert held in the newly built Wembley stadium in 2007 on what would have been her 46th birthday. All the details are hallowed artefacts of noughties pop culture – Chelsea Davy helped plan it, Ricky Gervais was heavily involved, Kanye performed three songs including Gold Digger and Tom Jones sung a cover of I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor. Fortunately it is immortalised by a DVD set doing the rounds on eBay, if you have (just over) six hours to spare.
In Case You Missed It
The indestructible microphone is excellent viewing.
Niall loves farming for the hardship.
Andros Townsend’s new woo-woo stance has angered the gods.
A truly electric piece of NIMBYism.
And Finally
Frankly, it’s tiring coming up with juicy clips and tricks for you in this section of the email. Have you not had enough? Will you never have enough? It seems sadly that your answer is no, so fuck it, you’re getting Teddy Brown highlights.
Why? Because he was a near 400-pound xylophonist in the 1930s who appeared in the early Alfred Hitchcock film Elstree Calling. His playing is genuinely pretty phenomenal, not least because, as in the clip below, he loves to show off a bit. And what is there not to love about a proudly large man playing a perfect descending cadence on a xylophone while hitting a spring-around-behind-the-back move. If what he is playing in the clip below is actually a marimba, please do not comment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDGqBJNU6t0
Brown’s other claim to fame is being the shortest-serving King Rat for the Grand Order of Water Rats, which you will of course recognise as the all-male fraternity of the entertainment industry, dedicated to ‘philanthropy, conviviality, and social intercourse’ founded in 1889. They’re based down in the Water Rats theatre bar in Gray’s Inn Road if you’re keen on a visit. And if you are not a man, do not fear, there is the Grand Order of Lady Ratlings. Anyway, here’s more of the wonderful Teddy Brown, known in his day as the great xylophonist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa_iKXHNr7U
That’s not it for this week, we’ll be back on Thursday to announce the issue, which is all very exciting. Do subscribe to the magazine, and you’ll get two pieces of post – post, not content – in a week from us. Please do get in touch with us via the usual channels – support@the-fence.com – with any issues. There are more native Polish speakers than Gaelic speakers in Scotland.
All the best,
TF