Dear Readers,
Good morning, and welcome back to Off The Fence, a newsletter that is 2283 days old. By now Issue 29 should have slapped onto doormats across Britain and beyond, and we do hope you are enjoying our autumnal dispatch full to the brim with facts, features, fiction and really quite a lot of Etc.
With a story from William Boyd, pieces from Alex Bilmes, John Niven and Leo Robson as well as a staggering in-house investigation into the life of Owen Oyston, we really do think this is our best issue yet, but to paraphrase Mandy Rice-Davies, we would say that, wouldn’t we?
People are already going gaga for our ‘Molesworth Rides Again’ strip, which has been drawn by John Broadley and you can have a ‘sneak peek’ of below.
With a new issue comes the ceremonial start of this season’s photo competition, so please send your snaps in and tag us with abandon for the chance to win a bottle of something sparkling from the rolling vineyards of Aÿ. Do send through the best to editorial@the-fence.com and we’ll take it from there.
Connor Harrison is straight out the blocks with an IG post and a dear contrib has paired it with her breakfast. It’s all going on – remember there’s Champagne to be won, so get snapping.
Issue 29 is landing with subscribers before it hits the shops, which is exactly how it should be, and we’ve spent some time and effort making that happen. Do sign up for the year and you’ll get the mag way before it’s stacked on Mr Smith’s shelves.
Let’s get it going: today, we’re making a daring solo venture against Afghanistan.
Little Stewart’s Big Gamble
This week Rory Stewart again found himself beneath the sun of bemused scrutiny. It all popped off on Newsnight during a debate on AI. For those whose feeds have been unblessed by the ten-second clip: turning to the New Statesman’s political editor, Ailbhe Rea, Rory Stewart dropped into a steeply diagonal attitude, fixing on her face and apparently listening intently to her insights. Viewers were left unsure what to make of the stance. Anyway, none of this is particularly new for Monsieur Stewart, who has an oddball problem (to put it lightly).
This and other sins are reported by Fergus Butler-Gallie. Among several cringe-core anecdotes recounted, one stands out: ‘A panicked Rory Stewart running through the studio of the podcast’s emergency televisual special to mark the US election. A plaintive cry allegedly escapes his lips as it becomes clear that Donald Trump has won a convincing victory: “I’ve lost the school fees!” He denies it, but I have been told by many people that Rory Stewart bet £100,000 on Kamala Harris winning the election.’
While Rory Stewart denies the allegation, we heard that he lumped on the big bet with someone particularly interesting…
Skirt Skirt
We are in the throes of FROWs at fashion month which are increasingly populated by influencers and, incongruously, very badly dressed people which is why it was a joy to spot a stony-faced Miuccia Prada amongst the fray at Vogue World. Aside from refusing to clap the dancing robots, the Italian house’s creative director is a legend of the industry for her distinct, unfailingly elegant aesthetic, rarely diverting from her uniform of midi skirts, crisp shirts and fantastic earrings. It was no surprise then that the garment was the focal point of Prada’s excellent collection this year as well as something she spoke about in length on Charlie Rose in 2007, making a case of the garment as a staple to supersede the reign of the white t-shirt.
South by South West
Occasionally in this newsletter we like to present you with an Instagram obsession we have recently acquired, and this is one of those occasions. Let us introduce you to the Clapham Run Club Cinematic Universe. These particular influencers consist of two couples: the ones who have just got engaged and the ones who have just got back together, who run around Clapham Common, and occasionally a bit further than that. In documenting their exercise, they churn out some of the most fantastically boring content you could stumble upon across the breadth of social media, all to the eerie backdrop of soulless Clapham locales. We must follow the plight of Alex, who is balancing being a lawyer and influencer and being engaged. Or her boyfriend, who is balancing being an influencer while also being engaged. Or the couple’s bestie Mary, who upon reuniting with her boyfriend, is pivoting from running to get through being single to and watching him do a big run in Berlin. It’s all deeply riveting.
Sources in the industry tell us they likely earn upwards of £100,000 a year, if not double. So who’s laughing now?
We Need to Talk About Michael Cimino
This week we stumbled across a clip of Michael Cimino – legendo director of The Deer Hunter (1978) and Heaven’s Gate (1980) – from way back in 2007 comparing himself to the great Italian filmmakers of the 60s. He swirlingly gesticulates and grandly muses on his storied success at the turn of the 80s. He doesn’t mention that it was quite short-lived. In truth, the real point of interest is not the filmmaking but the fact that he is dressed quite a lot like Liberace and sounds disconcertingly like Christopher Walken. Which, of course, made us wonder if the whole thing was a ruse. It’s not. Cimino was just far vampier and campier than anyone remembers. A surprising turn from a man pumping out the output that he once did.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRLEFHHw-co
Life Is Swell
Although we are squarely on the celebration jaunt for the new issue, we still make time for reminiscences of the past. Issue 19 comes to the top of the mind palace for its outstanding reporting and investigative pieces, as well as its fabulous shorter offerings. TF legend Bertie Brandes wrote about rejecting the tenant-landlord binary; Ed Cumming spoke his truth on his singular name (note, no ‘s’ at the end); our anonymous correspondent spilled the tea on what it takes to produce a movie; Francisco Garcia charted the demise of crime reporting; Ian Trueger wrote what turned out to be the prelude to a two-parter on the state of restaurants in the city in Issue 26. But the true centre-piece of the issue was Tim Wyatt’s investigation into a man who enjoyed pride of place at the high table of the Church of England, Martin Sargeant. His schemes could be absurdly grandiose. He identified the Church of St Mary-le-Strand as being ripe for conversion into a London branch of the ‘Museum of the Bible’, a Washington, D.C. setup by billionaire Steve Green, which has been mired in scandal over attempts to use his Hobby Lobby craft stores to smuggle papyri and other manuscripts from the Middle East.’ Read more here online – it’s a classic, a corker.
Issue 19 is, alas, completely sold out in print – much of the archive is now gone to the wind. If you don’t want to miss out on a copy, then do take out a subscription today.
In Case You Missed It
A numerical analysis of church bell ringing.
A Chinese security guard follows a lead.
Max Daly is running the trap line.
A message from the bed bug community.
And Finally
Mockumentaries are frequently quite hacky and plot-holey, and maybe that’s the reason we have historically tended to recommend the humble documentary over its satirical twin in ‘And Finally’. There are, however, fantastic exceptions to the rule, and David Holzman’s Diary (1967) might be the ur-exception.
A student film and shot over three days with a teensy budget, the movie originated both the diary-film genre and is an outstandingly bouncy and fun example of a faux-doc. The film opens on a young man, played by L.M. Kit Carson – who went on to co-write Paris, Texas with Sam Shepard – detailing events from his recent life. At first, he seems quite reasonable, if a little morose. It’s got that proto-Woody Allen vibe, like the opening monologue in Annie Hall (1977), one of the great starts to movies. But then, it quickly becomes clear he’s basically a part-time pervert.
Choice highlights include being fired from an unspecified job for unspecified and/or sketchy reasons, droning into a Dictaphone about film theory for the benefit of his girlfriend and subsequently becoming obsessed with a woman across the street he calls Sandra, which he winkingly takes from the title of the Visconti movie of the same name. At one point, he follows a woman out of the subway; then, he uses a fish-eye lens to shoot a man being arrested on the sidewalk; when he gets home, he slightly unconvincingly pontificates about trying to get back with his girlfriend. It’s funny and silly, and properly makes sense. It’s in this way that it really is the perfect mockumentary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xXzhqqdprw
We hope you enjoyed this outing, and if you have any queries, tips or pointers, please send them through to support@the-fence.com, and we will attend to you there. Do send through photos of the mag to editorial@the-fence.com. Earlobes serve no biological purpose.
All the best,
TF