Dear Readers,
Good evening, and welcome to Off The Fence, a newsletter with the bit between its teeth. Issue 24 has been hard at work soothing passengers on night trains, being pulled to the front by considerate readers and getting to the front of the queue.
Sarah Manvel has spotted herself in print, Pride Bear was shook by Bron Maher’s reportage. Composing king, Daniel Pemberton, picked up the magazine on Berwick Street. All deeply wonderful to see.
Last week, we launched the issue with some readings at The Ship in Fitzrovia. Kaya ‘Effy from Skins’ Scodelario was playing board games downstairs, which lent a further tone of bookish glamour to proceedings. We will be doing more of these events – they are good, clean fun.
Remember, if you send a photo of Issue 24 of The Fence to editorial@the-fence.com or tag us on social media, you can win a bottle of Bollinger Champagne, a very generous prize.
It will sell out soon so buy a copy quick here. Just look how happy Pride Bear is!
People have been saying how much they like the issue, which is very helpful for our hard-working team. Chris Coates appraises it as ‘dense with goodies' and John Merrick calls us ‘Britain’s best magazine', which really is what we’re trying to achieve here.
If you don’t want to miss out on what we’re doing, do subscribe to the magazine at this link below for the vanishingly low sum of £30 for the year, or £29.99 to be exact.
Right, let’s get on with it, the unseemly boasting now finished. We’ve got a packed-out edition, but we start with some news from the Fens.
Step Into My Office
A certain professor at the University of Cambridge is clinging onto his academic post by the barest of margins, according to a number of sources close to The Fence. The professor had long weathered storms about his notorious habit of sleeping with undergraduates despite being over 50, presumably because they are a world expert in their field (their subject, not sleeping with teenagers – although, now you mention it), which tends to give Oxbridge professors a kind of diplomatic immunity to do whatever they want.
It seems, however, that this untouchable run may be coming to an end after a drubbing incident following a drunken, apparently racist, tirade, following which the professor is said to have lumped three students who’d taken umbrage with his words. At the moment they are holding on to their position, by dint of particularly stubborn fingernails, but physical attacks may prove to be a step beyond the strangely drawn boundaries of conduct for those in charge of educating Britain’s undergrads, especially in the cloistered world of Oxbridge.
There is, for example, the case of Nicholas Hammond, who was found to have had more than 1,000 pornographic images of children on his computer, and yet remains a professor at the university and is still lecturing. Others are not so lucky. Peter Hutchinson of Trinity Hall in Cambridge was banned from the college after a series of sexual harassment allegations, and when he was bizarrely readmitted two years later, the mishandling of the situation led to the resignation of Hutchinson and the then master of the college, Jeremy Morris. Others still receive more oblique punishments. One, who was caught masturbating in his office, was simply moved to another college. Talk about handing off a situation.
Sugar Mummy
Eva Wiseman returns to our pages with ‘Sugar Mummy’, a troubling yet delicious work which gave inspiration to our cover artist, Nishant Choksi, and very much encapsulates the vibe of #24: a little unsettling, but endlessly engrossing. Read here today; it’s not often that you enjoy a slice of fiction like this.
F&B Astrology
The gates of hell opened this weekend, at what appears to be Thomas Straker’s wedding – or a wedding he attended, or simply a wedding he acquired a photograph from – showing former Sunak-era Foreign Sec, Lord Cameron, just standing there.
You’d hope there is some explanation as to why this was in his monthly photo dump; it’s almost worse if there isn’t. But it got us to pondering a general theory of restaurant vibes in London right now, and allow us to unleash.
Straker’s whole vibe is definitely Cameroonian, and as is TopJaw’s. Made in Chelsea Gone Good, if you will. The atavistic spirits of Corbynism went toward Camberwell and Cafe Mondo. Johnsonism is The Ivy chain and the rest of Caprice Holdings; The Ritz retains faith in the Conservative Party as an institution; Boisdale is Reform and the Guinea Grill is Robert Jenrick, eager to court stragglers from either side of Mayfair. The unnamed, unformed and unfortunately unelectable left party is probably The Yellow Bittern, and the soft-left normie yuppie majority are, of course, represented by Brat.
Think we’ve got it about right? Feel free to go off below, although we’re pretty certain we’re on the money.
Look What You Made Me Queue
The earnest energy with which the Gen-Z generation approach their tenure on this earth’s crust may not change the world, but it is certainly revolutionising the events space. Not least with the younger cohort of concertgoers, who – as Emma Magnus reports from the crowds outside Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour – find the queue just as much of an attraction as the gig itself. Something to look forward to, and something to cherish, as detailed in this wonderful essay.
I’m Afraid I’ve Been Rather Naughty
Over on Instagram, we are posting offcuts from the magazine, and one particular box-out has brought much joy: a list of all the private members’ clubs that Stephen Fry has apologised for taking cocaine in. This is excerpted from Seth Alexander Thévoz’s latest compilation, which is loaded with similar treats.
At First, You Made Me Smile
As one goes deeper into middle age, there is often a bit of personal lore that sticks in the craw. One moment of self-mythologising that you can never let go of. For Joe Bishop, host of our inaugural podcast, Money’s No Object, it’s the time that he so incensed Lily Allen that she wrote a song about him. You can watch the video for it here.
More than a decade later, Joe is hosting podcasts with brio; he’s editing audio with panache. The two latest episodes of the podcast are real pearls. Here he shares a deliciously gossip-centred conversation with legendary photographer, Chris Floyd. The last outing was with Jeremy Lee MBE, the chef-proprietor of Quo Vadis and one of the most tasteful men in London, in which they discuss many things, not least their mutual passion for the work of Geoffrey B. Small. The last episode of the first series lands tomorrow and signs off on a brilliant note.
Never Before Has a Boy Wanted More
Everywhere you look, people are betting on print. As well they should! Much more worthwhile than doomscrolling in bed for two hours of a Sunday morning. There are two publications we don’t just commend, but heartily recommend to all our readers.
First up is Sir Magazine!, a new men’s journal edited by our pints correspondent, Jimmy McIntosh and with contributions from TF favourites like Clive Martin. It’s fluid and funny and ideally suited for a few train beers this summer. It’s sold out in many stockists but you can follow them on Instagram if you can’t dig out a copy at your local Smiths.
Mark Blacklock, novelist and esotericist, is no stranger to these pages, and wrote perhaps our most important investigation we’ve ever run – into Queen Ethelburga’s, a Yorkshire school purchased by Brian Martin, a paedophile who moved the institution into his own home.
In conjunction with Rod Stanley, he’s publishing Offal, an array of artistic offcuts across fiction and found materials. The A2 Aphex Twin poster is worth the price of admission alone. Buy a copy here.
Monopoly Money
Every so often, The BBC archive opens up its treasures to the world wide web with a blushing wink, and so it is with this latest offering, posted online 10 days ago but filmed in the way back in 1981. Watch as we follow the life of one Rupert Deen, who never worked a day in his life.
There follows further dispatches from the land of the idle wealthy, and concludes with a forthright conversation between Frank Field and Jeffrey Archer, which does make for rigorous journalism, but is not as fulfilling viewing for today’s viewer as the quotidian schedule of R. Deen, esq. Did any of you ever encounter this mustachioed playboy? Reach out via the usual channels and we will attend to you there.
In Case You Missed It
A meeting between a hit man and an FBI agent.
Marco Pierre White fries an egg dressed as a 1920s gangster.
The contested legacy of one of Pakistan’s greatest singers, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.
Charlie Bones delights in the work of Officer John, and Niall (not Nile) Rogers’ name.
Surprising new data on the spending at the 2024 general election.
A brief report on a brilliant trainwreck of a speech Brian Blessed gave at the Pig and Poultry Farmer’s Dinner in 2018.
And Finally
As a rule, politicians generally fare quite badly on television. Something about the heat of the lights, the microphone in their face, the need to appear strong and confident; it just never seems to work out well for them. They feel the heat in their cheeks – they get giddy.
But it is rare to see a position exposed as dramatically as it was for this local Teesside councillor – Mr Davidson – who was attempting to defend the A19. He starts out with a strong lead off line: ‘I will not accept that this is a highly dangerous road’. Soon, however, he is inlead-off the realm of weak politician tautologies, used to fill space when there is little good to be said: ‘The road, obviously like other roads, gives cause for concern when accidents do occur’. A weak line to be sure made worse by the Blues Brothers-style scene that unfolds almost as soon as he’s said it.
Apparently this remains a rather dangerous section of road, racking up nearly 60 crashes over a two-year span. Nearly 40 years on, it seems, Mr Davidson’s attitude of looking directly at the problem and rolling your eyes has remained consistent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qir4EEpawE
There we go, a fun outing no? Drop a like and a comment below, or even better, buy a magazine or a tote bag or even better, a subscription from the shop page. Any admin emails to be directed to support@the-fence.com, please. Did you know that dolphins only sleep with half of their brain? Speak soon.
All the best,
TF