Dear Readers,
Good afternoon and welcome back to Off The Fence, a newsletter that zigs when you think we will zag.
As the most leisurely month of the year stretches ahead, there is no better time to indulge in a subscription which would start with our latest (exceptional) Issue 28 – recently seen sunning itself on a beach in Portugal, sitting upfront on the way to Hong Kong, and gallivanting around Rome like a young Audrey Hepburn. It’s been seen alongside another magazine on a writer’s desk, underneath the north London sky, primed atSt Pancras, on the NY subway and at the West Cork Model Village.
People really are saying it’s the greatest issue yet, and that the Shetland Separatists piece (soon to come online) must be a (very) early April Fool’s Joke (it’s not).
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Armed with your issue you will then also be able to enter our fiercely competitive quarterly competition to win a bottle of something sparkling - those already reading in enviable locations do send your snaps to editorial@the-fence.com or tag us on our assorted social media.
Now let us get into the business of the day as we share some exciting news, assess a case of lethal workwear and contemplate an escape to the country, as well as the fate of our fifth prime minister of the decade.
The Thing Is Impossible
Our biggest investigation yet - an expansive feature looking into the staggering case of Sacha Jafri and millions in missing charity donations from a record-breaking auction in 2021 – was trailed by the Sunday Timesover the weekend. You can read Jack Jeffery and Abraham Elton’s excellent piece in the magazine, and do keep an eye out for a more deeply reported digital edition which will be online, and soon.
Hailing the Removals Van
Patrolling Rightmove still throws up the odd gem – this innocent-looking farmhouse in the Lincolnshire Fens does, on closer inspection, reveal itself to be ‘Chunky Muffins’ Swingers Club; but we have particularly enjoyed a new Instagram account called ‘In Search of Home’, which is recommending choice cottages and distressed manses across Britain, nearly always for a song. Check out this Devon verandah and let the reveries commence.
Andy Boshnam
The Burnham Bounce is undeniably real – but only time will tell what strength of political gravity his current trajectory will be subject to. As ever, we are consulting with our evil secretive masters and casting the runes to foretell his fate, and some recent signs are troubling. We’re talking, of course, about the PMs fun and cheery interaction on X with the weaker of the two boshmeisters, Tom Skinner.
As we’ve mentioned before, Skinner is an odd ally for politicians to have given his 2011 conviction for handling £40,000 of stolen goods and his association with a number of fellows not hyper-friendly to a Labour position, not least JD Vance and Robert Jenrick.
Most interestingly has been Skinner’s occasional social media promos for Stevie Hunt, the owner of Hunt’s Waste Management. While there is no suggestion that Stevie Hunt is in any way connected with any criminal activity, he has inherited his recycling business from his uncle, David, regarded by the Metropolitan Police as ‘too big to bring down’.
It would be excessive to demand the resignation of the new PM due to his preference for the wrong internet bosher but… well, let’s say we hope he comes back to the light sooner rather than later.
For Your Consideration
Thank you very much to Jay Rayner, who very generously did a shout-out for this very magazine to his 210,000 Instagram followers, and also to Foster Kamer, who praised us on his Substack for putting on an ‘absolute goddamn clinic for interesting, novel, funny magazine-making’ before highlighting an article format that we stole from Spy magazine.
As ‘X’ becomes more unusable under its maverick owner, we really appreciate those with big platforms (any platforms, really) celebrating the work that we’re doing – it makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside.
If you’ll permit some boasting, people love The Fence – just look at this list of well-wishers below. Do support us today by signing for a subscription.
For Your Safety
What is it about teched-up glasses that just can’t catch on? Since the days of the failed Google Glass, tech and fashion companies keep throwing themselves at the wall on this one, and even though the Meta glasses of recent release have easily proved the most successful iteration yet – with over seven million of the things already sold – but something about them always seems off. Are we really to believe they will become the next Airpods? We think not.
And the biggest part of the problem is that it really doesn’t matter how great it supposedly is to be able to ask – without the excruciating inconvenience of lifting a few hundred grams of glass and metal – what kind of dog it is that has just pissed on your shoes in Brockwell Park. The idea of glasses that record everything will always be associated with creeps and surveillance – and recent events aren’t slowing that down. One of the most remarkable features of the recent student protests in India (there are many remarkable things about it) is that one of the favoured tools of the violent police response has been Meta’s silly glasses, red recording light predictably disabled. Who your customers are often tells others everything about your product and there’s really no worse collection than rich fools, perverts and the police. Or perhaps this is what they call a target market.
Challengers
TF columnist Sophie Heawood returns in our blockbuster summer issue, with another dating dispatch taking on the famously sultry readings in Soho, bringing back BDE and, this time, a bottle of Crémant.
Buzz Buzz
Is Elliot Doyle a parody? Is he somehow real? Either way this WASP art advisor is our new favourite Instagram freak. The ‘Swiss boarding school’, the sedulously gelled hair, it’s all absolutely perfect.
An Invitation to Lord Mansfield’s Demense
Now for a quick message from our friends at the most stylish newspaper in the world.
Experience the Financial Times come to life at the FT Weekend Festival, taking place on Saturday 5 September at Kenwood House Gardens in London or online. A festival for curious minds, enjoy world-class journalism, inspiring speakers, culture, food and live experiences in one unforgettable day.
Join Richard E. Grant, Paul Smith, Mary Beard, Peter Capaldi, Angela Hartnett, Fiona Shaw and many more. One ticket. Ten stages. Unlimited curiosity. Save 15% with code FTxFence at the checkout: ft.com/festival
The Devil Wears Zara
The struggle for heatwave-appropriate office attire may be fickle, but recently it has taken an almost lethal turn as evidenced by a viral pair of palazzo trousers from Zara. The £25.99 ‘Flowing Wide-Leg Trousers’ have an elasticated waistband, two handy front pockets, and may cause you to get stuck on an escalator, stack it in your driveway, on a pavement, or even break your wrist. Apparently unfazed by the reams of casualties Zara still seems to be selling them, so for whatever masochistic reason you might choose to nab a pair in Terracotta, Cosmopolitan has helpfully put together a guide on how to come out unscathed.
DINKWADs
While we hope you are all off reclining on some fair isle with a large umbrella-topped drink at hand, did it occur to you your dog could be too? Forbes has reported recently that the global pet-friendly accommodation market is now worth more than $17.8 billion, with luxury hospitality leaning into to what has been dubbed ‘Resort Anthropomorphism’, the emotional ties causing the inclination to humanise your pets – namely by DINKWADs (Double Income, No Kids, With A Dog). Now commonplace, services on offer include bespoke pet room-service and dedicated dog butlers as well as massages and early-morning yoga.
In Case You Missed It
The last New York horse track.
Our junior editor has a production of Endgame in Edinburgh for those at the festival.
Tour de France cyclists raiding cafes for wine.
The new trending anti-ageing ingredient is cadaver skin.
And Finally
It is high summer and we are all in the mood for a jolly jape across Europe or perhaps just a simple countryside gander. By this point we are probably less in the mood to discuss other people’s holiday plans. But such was not always the case! ‘Will you go on holiday this year?’ asks the news reporter to passers-by in Dublin’s city centre in 1973 and literally everyone who is not absolutely ancient says yes. ‘Of course I will!’ (a man with mutton chops and a white suit). ‘On the Continent somewhere!’ The street is practically teeming with people eager to talk about it. France, Corfu, Spain are all options, as is ‘Caravan’, announced by a small boy in a flash, shiny raincoat. Sounds nice. A woman with stripped blonde hair and a high-neck blouse is going to Morocco. Last year she went to the Caribbean – sounds very nice!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ctyGpcGoF8
Ah, back in the day when people were pleased to be asked about their holidays. Now, colleagues and friends cough out a cup of scorn when we fall on this small talk crutch. Bring back humble discussion of holiday fever – and proud excitement for the Eurotrash tour about to unfold. We want to hear people wax on about their forthcoming promenade of St Tropez, Cannes, Malaga and Monaco with panache and joy.
And it is with panache and joy that we close out this week’s newsletter. Do bag a mag at the link just here. In the meantime, throw us a summery thought at editorial@the-fence.com or else a summery complaint at support@the-fence.com. From 1896 to 1936, the Olympics held competitions for music, painting, sculpture, literature and architecture. They gave out 151 medals in total.
All the best,
TF