Dear Readers,
Welcome back to Off The Fence, a newsletter that knows when to call a garage a car hole.
The most exciting news to share with you this week is that the final designs for Issue 29 have been officially signed off. We can, therefore, reveal some exciting details. The first word is ‘Exit ’, and the last is ‘Di’, the word ‘the’ appears 2,837 times and for the 29th time in a row, The Fence becomes the only UK magazine willing to use both of the words ‘shat’ and ‘ambrosial’ in its copy.
With Issue 29 landing next week, this is your last chance to make sure your address is correctly updated on the website, so do check your account there. If you subscribe today, then you’ll get two pieces of post in a week from a quarterly magazine, which is pretty neat.
Lots of exciting things happening here – we’ve got the best issue ever upcoming, and we’re looking to do another merchandise run soon, after the tote bags sold out in record time.
This Friday, editor Charlie Baker and art director Mathias Clottu will be talking about all the inspirations behind the creation of The Fence, specifically how they mine the archives to make the fresh magazine that is made today. It’s being held at St Bride’s and there are a host of other great speakers – we hope to see some of you there.
Trump Unites Ireland
Trump is not backing down under the pressure around his recent United Ireland comments of late. When asked about his remarks in his recent state visit, he affirmed his earlier comments, noting that ‘you have Northern Ireland, and you have Ireland, and it would seem to me that one of the naturals of all time is… put ‘em together’.
In doing so, he becomes the first Orangeman to give up on the six counties. It’s also something of a surprise given his administration’s decidedly anti-Catholic bent with the ascension of Pope Leo and the fact that physically and spiritually, Donald Trump would look much more at home alongside Ian Paisley than Michael Collins. Indeed, given the fact that Paisley Jr. attended Trump’s second inauguration and ‘renewed’ his palship with Don Jr.
Let’s Pivot Again, Like We Did Last Summer
Posting articles on Twitter has become increasingly pointless, so we’re going where the uncool kids are: LinkedIn, where we will be sharing articles and spreading corporate cheer. You might also like to follow the editor, who is promising to post ‘like Stephen Fry in 2012’. Join us!
The Blue Letter Factory
‘The problem with attending a course about writing sex scenes is that everything becomes a double entendre.’
Another joyful contribution to Issue 28 is now online for all to enjoy as Stuart McGurk takes you with him on a highly specific writing course: how to write good sex scenes. It is, after all, an easily dropped ball, as the LR’s dedicated ‘Bad Sex Award’ testifies. It’s a seriously funny read, one that made us glad we were simply reading about it, rather than sitting in the room ourselves.
Lovely Business
It’s great to see some of the pieces from Issue 28 get their garlands elsewhere, with Matt Muir toasting James Ramsden’s ‘One for Sorrow, Two for Joy’ and the FT feteing Daniel Shailer’s excellent piece on the Shetland separatists – all of this makes us feel very happy indeed.
He’s Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Starmer’s decision to call it quits in politics has, as a matter of course, triggered a by election and therefore, also as a matter of course, re-summoned George Galloway from his ‘self-imposed exile in Russia’ – a nation he has fond memories of. The serial by-electioneer featured in Issue 26 as the source of the UK’s third cringiest moment of this century. We speak, of course, of his imitation of a cat on Celebrity Big Brother in 2006.
It adds an extra bit of spice to an already spicy little election. Will Galloway’s presence split a left-wing vote that might otherwise have swelled behind Zacky P? Is there any chance we’re getting the fella below back in the House of Commons? Will he manage to convince the seat’s left-leaning electorate that they need to support Russia’s war in Ukraine as part of ‘a wider anti-imperialist, anti-colonialist framework’? We wait, stock still, electrified.
Three More Than You Need
At the King’s Head Theatre, there is a serious date for your diary: 3 October, when Neil Kinnock will be doing a post-show talk after the performance of The Gang of Three, the political drama depicting Tony Crosland, Denis Healey and Roy Jenkins debating the soul of socialism. The play itself is brilliant and only 90 minutes long, so you’ll be happy to hear Lord K issue forth after the curtain falls. Tickets available here.
Sargeant’s Major
It’s wonderful to see so many new faces flooding into this newsletter and also onto our nicely re-tweaked website of late. And given this happy state of affairs, it behoves us to point newcomers in the direction of Tim Wyatt’s excellent piece In The Shadow of St Paul’s. It is one of the most impactful and shocking pieces we’ve ever published, one that digs deep into corruption at the heart of the Church of England and still has important ramifications, involving as it does our current Archbishop of Canterbury, Sarah Mullally.
We will never tire of recommending it, and you should get reading it – immediately.
In Case You Missed It
Even our Instagram freaks agree that Manchester is terrible.
Russian officials are evolving to resist defenestration.
A dynamic infographic of the UK cities with the highest number of nonces per 1000 that Chris Morris would approve of.
How Dorian became London’s most influential restaurant.
A fascinating dive into the ‘Kirkversary’.
Sam Marriott remembers the rituals and hierarchies of Eton.
How Saudi Arabia is pursuing Michelin stardom: a blockbuster piece from Ruby Tandoh.
Monsters Inc. receives an Irish dub.
And Finally
There is something heartwarming, as well as funny, seeing a familiar, idolised face from the screen appearing in something objectively naff in their early career. If one is ever tempted to lament the lack of a life accepting various forms of gold statuette to rapturous applause, old episodes of Midsomer Murders can always be relied upon to remember that they’ve all been in some real stinkers. Olivia Colman’s turn as a model-village murder is especially good in this regard. We drop you in right at the end to save you time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-60SWXHbFU
But there are few such rogue appearances that can match Liam Neeson’s appearance in an early BBC programme about Northern Ireland’s railway system. Partly, this is because it is such a parochial and slow piece of programming as to be almost dementia inducing, but mostly because Neeson was required to play a whole litany of characters, or more accurately, dress up in a litany of silly period costumes and dispassionately deliver third-person narration down the camera. For a moment, one glimpses an alternative future, where Neeson never gets to mumble gruffly down a mic before having a stunt double pretend to punch someone for him and is instead doing open-top bus tours of Belfast for minimum wage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHqin2yBRnY
An ending only promises a new beginning, and so it is that we will be back with you in a week’s time. Until then, our piece has been spake. Do get yourself over to the shop and make sure you’re subscribed; the new issue is soon to be released and it is truly excellent. Otherwise, we look forward to your many missives on editorial@the-fence.com and support@the-fence.com, depending on whether you need one of our editors to respond to you, or one of our editors to respond to you (about something else). No actor with the first name Liam has ever appeared in Midsomer Murders.
All the best,
TF