Dear Readers,
Hello and welcome to another sumptuous edition of our weekly Tuesletter, Off The Fence. We bring you this offering from a rain-soaked Soho, where we are pleased to inform you that business at Fence Towers is as busy as ever.
The week just gone saw Sachin Kureishi's wonderfully moving piece recognised in more than one print publication. His first person account recounting his father Hanif Kureishi's paralysis after a fall was re-published in the Mail on Sunday. If you missed it, don't worry because you can read his original piece on our website here.
In another Issue 19 success, one reader, when faced with a stint in an intensive care unit knew, without a doubt, that our most recent issue would be exactly the tonic to their worsening ailment. We are pleased to hear that they have since been discharged from the ICU. Not to toot our own horn but quality long-form journalism really is just the tonic, it seems. Lifegiving, if you will. Probably worth subscribing, if for health reasons alone.
In numerous appearances about town, Issue 19 has also been spotted at Mauricio Pochettino’s last conference at Chelsea.
For your chance to be entered into our prize draw where you, yes YOU, could win a delicious bottle of bubbly, simply send or tweet us a pic of where you've been pursuing our latest issue in the wild. For the princely sum of being pictured looking windswept and interesting you could be enjoying a lovely (free) bottle of Bollinger this very time next week. Sounds like a good deal to us. Anyway, let’s get to it.
What an Eyesore!
To the insult of architects everywhere, nominations are still open for the ugliest building you've ever seen. Email carbuncle@the-fence.com with your edifice entry. The nominations will be judged by our panel of industry experts and we've had many excellent suggestions so far, including the multi-faith building at Bristol airport which is sure to inspire any nearby viewers to get on a plane in order to no longer look at it.
This monstrosity of an offering from Lewisham, perhaps the fugliest borough architecturally speaking according to one of our staffers who is unfortunate enough to live there, has also been nominated. At least its commitment to being visually unappealing is finally being recognised. Croydon has also received an unsurprising number of mentions. Because some clichés are true: life is short, Italy is beautiful and Croydon is ugly.
Ready the Troops
In other news this week, Rishi Sunak's announcement that, if the Tories stay in, mandatory national service for 18-year-olds will come into law scared no-one. Sunak's plan would see young rapscallions spend a year in the military or take up volunteer work on weekends. The former chief of the naval staff has called it ‘bonkers’. Too right. It is madness to expect teenagers to give up their weekends. Would any of our cherished subscribers be able to give us some insight into how this particular policy proposal came about? We know there is one of you who can.
In the meantime, the move has prompted those scant few public-facing Tories to say such a wave of public service could be great for the country. Rachel Johnson chimed in with the happy thought that it might act as a salve for the UK’s Brexit-engendered fruit picking crisis.
Which makes us wonder if Johnson’s read Jack Beaumont’s excellent debut in our pages, Grow Your Own; a bleakly hilarious take on the last time the government turned to agrarian volunteerism, with disastrous results.
Relight My Fire
If you're partial to a cheeky ciggie from time to time Sophie Elmhirst's ode to the humble fag is one not to be missed. In her article she writes: ‘I suppose you’re either the kind of person who experiences unhealthy intoxication and thinks, no thanks, my life will be better without that, or you’re someone who experiences unhealthy intoxication and thinks, even though that was profoundly unpleasant in multiple ways, I want more.’
For some nicotine soaked nostalgia for the time you can read her piece here.
A Trip to the Vaults
Bron Maher took a trip to a sex club – on ‘naked night’ – to ask punters which way they’re going to vote in the upcoming general election. Yes, we are avoiding a very obvious pun, and if you haven’t had the pleasure yet, you should savour this glorious psephological exercise here.
In Case You Missed It
Nesrine Malik on what the west’s reaction to the ICC ruling on Israel might mean for the world order.
Max Hastings mounts a defence of defence, this election cycle.
The BBC follow Daniel Williams, the man who dresses up as Charles I and visits historical sites related to the monarch’s life. (Entirely unrelated clip here).
Mark O’Connell on the middlebrow muddle that is James Marsh’s Beckett biopic
Blu-Ray fans tried to warn us: AI has already been ruining films for years.
We do not say this lightly, but every single aspect of this story about a French town filled with swingers whose mayor is currently embroiled in a fortune teller scandal, gets better and better right up to its final sentence.
And Finally
If you like Prince and/or bare arse cheeks, have we got the pop culture moment for you. The VMAs have always provided instances of celeb shock value, like Lady Gaga's meat dress in 2010; The Madonna, Christina Aguleria, Britney Spears three-way kiss in 2003; or another Britney moment, when she came out on stage toting a massive albino python whilst singing I'm a Slave 4 U in 2001.
But the best moment by far, in our opinion, was during Prince's 1991 rendition of Gett Off, which we've included here for your enjoyment. Never one to shy away from controversy, the singer started his performance by screaming – perhaps in pleasure, perhaps in agony – as flames burn high in the background and dancers pop and lock furiously before three hunky male dancers pile on top of him. From there he jumps both into and then back up from the splits. A feat which entirely contradicts gravity itself, such was his pop superstardom.
His performance with the New Power Generation on September 5th caused shock and outrage. In the song, he sings of ‘23 positions in a one-night stand’, and it seems like the choreographer took that line extremely literally. But it wasn't just the vulgar gyrating that upset viewers. ‘The camera seemed embarrassed,’ reported the Chicago Tribune. Chris Willman, writing in the Los Angeles Times called the ‘bumping and grinding cast of dozens arranged in various beyond-suggestive permutations [...] the kind of fleshy spectacle that sends writers running to their dictionaries to look up the proper plural for ménage à trois. After taking a brief interval, rushing ourselves to look up the proper plural for ménage à trois in our dictionary, we returned to the writing of this newsletter, to tell you about the very best part of Prince's performance
Midway into the song he turns around to proudly reveal the back of his matching lemon yellow ensemble was, in fact, entirely ass-less. It’s a bold choice. Yellow makes a lot of people look washed out, but Prince pulls it off. CNN has since poignantly likened the singer's behind to ‘a pair of frosted windows [...] framed in a pair of high-waisted cutout pants.’ So while he may rest in peace, his memory complete in assless glory will live on eternally in this iconic moment. He really did take cheeky to a whole new level.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOMsamZm_9Y
That’s it for this week, for more like this do support what we do by signing up for a subscription. Print or digital: the choice is yours. Until next Tuesday.
All the best,
TF