Dear Readers,
Good afternoon and welcome to Off The Fence, a newsletter that will be with you in just a moment, and asks you if you’d like a coffee or a tea or anything in the meantime.
Issue 26 has been launched – and one particular piece in the Etc. section is attracting a lot of dispute. Readers from our pick for best county (North Yorkshire) to our #40 (Durham) have been lamenting, praising, arguing, laughing and nitpicking over the ranking of England’s counties. It’s been a lot of fun to see everyone wade into murky waters of county bashing and counter-county bashing. As Jonathan Healey has noted, ‘this is how you start a new English Civil War’.
Very wonderfully, the launch of the new issue also allows us to lavish a corked container of carbonated alcohol onto one of you who have been sending in all the lovely photos of Issue 25. There were many fantastic snaps, with some particular favourites being the Japanese top-shelf, the paddle in the Dead Sea and the Louisiana swamp raccoon. But in the end, can you really beat a beautiful dog, a good magazine and a rainbow? We thought, in the end, not. So congratulations to Katie A and our commiserations to all other aspiring paparazzi. Fortunately, the cycle of publication, like the cycle of life, sees death turn into rebirth: get those snaps of Issue 26 flooding, the location remains editorial@the-fence.com or on social media. As our friends at the National Lottery would say – and they are our friends – It Could Be You.
Continuing with today’s theme, Generosity, might we encourage you toward gifting your loved ones a subscription to The Fence this holiday season. You’ll see the option to do so, squat ‘neath the options for all of our subs – print, digital and both – on our beautiful shop page. A year’s serving of our facts, features, fiction and funnies will be just the ticket for whichever of your beloveds you’re currently struggling to buy for.
Should you go for the gift of Fence this Christmas, an email with a sign-up link will be immediately pinged to your recipient – though if you want to preserve the surprise, order a regular sub to your own address, give them Issue 26 on the big day, then switch out your address to theirs for future copies. (You can email us at support@the-fence.com if you need assistance on the latter.)
This week we have a bumper crop. There’s tooting fascists, hackathon dorkery and some sobering thoughts on the end of John Cena’s wrestling career. But first, a chance to do some good and win something even better.
The Fence’s Fighting Fund Fights On For Fence Funding
You may have seen us mention our prize draw across our various platforms of late, and we wanted to take a moment to thank those of you who have bought tickets for it, and are now in the running for some seriously brilliant items and experiences. But we’re here to keep banging the drum. Fans of The Fence as we hope you are, you may not appreciate that we are a small operation and, as our latest lead feature suggests, the world of magazines is not exactly what it was – even if print is far from dead.
We want to bring you more brilliant stories, keep supporting new writers and continue funding investigations into the heart of worlds you have not ventured into. But it is not just a chance to support our journalism.This is a prize draw – with phenomenal prizes to be had! There are some serious headlines which we’ve trumpeted before and will happily do again: a full experience at Osip worth over £1500; vouchers to Mountain and Updown Farmhouse worth £250 a piece; some very fine wines and a spectacular bag for the bag enthusiast in your life.
But it’s worth stressing how deep the list goes. The low-end, if you can call it that,includes wonderful cashmere shawls from Maharani Trading, tickets to see The Streets at Ally Pally, copies of Paul Cox’s beautiful ‘Pride of Merseyside’ maps and lifetime subscriptions to the magazine. A ticket at just £25 puts you in the running for all of these things. This really is a win-win situation. Throw your hat in at the button below.
Your Mileage May Vary
Each year, TF’s editor-at-large Fergus Butler-Gallie jaunts to the Czech spa town of Karlovy Vary, a resort destination famed for the medicinal properties of its thermal springs, and the lively nightlife which (ahem) sprang up to entertain those intent on scalding themselves within their waters.
For Issue 25, he wrote this beautiful elegy to its faded magnificence, and its new calling as a resort-of-choice for cash-rich Russians looking to launder their currently-sanctioned currency through its casino doors. That he almost certainly did this to bat away rumours he uses these trips to engage in international espionage for the Church of England, is none of our concern. Since it’s a sumptuous travelogue for a Cold War town now enmeshed in the heat of a wholly different geopolitical conflict, available online now for the first time.
Help, My Son Is A Nerrrrd
The least cool people in the world recently held what appears to be the worst work event of all time. Droves of tech bros and a sprinkling of tech brosephines descended on the Bay Area for a weekend of Diet Coke and white Monster Energy-fuelled coding. The remarkably unaware reports that have been emerging online have been something to behold.
Every detail feels like it was calculated to curl toes, from the amount of bragging about numbers of hours spent awake, to excited posting of a meal prepared by three-star Michelin chef Christopher Kostow, despite that fact it looks like the idea of constipation given corporeal form.
In this latest sea of dreck, there are two drops that truly swelled the ocean. First was the winner of the whole affair, the very best development produced by the 500 handpicked participants as they slaved away for a whole weekend. What was it? A piece of coding that uses Grok to insert ads into whatever programme you happen to be watching with all the grace of Gyles Brandreth shanghai-ing an elderly celebrity into one of his horrible knitted jumpers.
Much worse, however, was the fallout that almost inevitably comes when you have organisations full of deeply strange people live tweeting all of their thoughts. Nick Pash, the head of AI at a firm called Cline lost his job after a poorly chosen response to an image of the engineers at the hackathon. All in all a busy week for those leading the way in humanity’s bold new frontier!
Not Me, Officer
Online gak-tectives have been busy of late, spotting a couple of notables making ‘twitchy’ appearances in public. Most recent was Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, who appeared on stage at a London carol concert as part of his big drive to become the merriest bigot since Zwarte Piet. There is a certain tense energy to Stephen as he bares his teeth to the crowd, forgetting, in the process, that he should really be singing.
It’s not hard to join the dots, especially given Stephen’s ‘previous’, including a 2014 conviction for possession with intent to supply, as well as a video where he boasts ‘No matter where I’ve gone in the world, I score. I will show you tonight. I’ve gone to Qatar, I’ve gone to Doha and scored gear on the sesh while they’re all praying.’ It means we can all rest easy across this festive period in the knowledge that a White Christmas is on the cards.
It pales in comparison to the performance of Palantir CEO, Alex Karp. Among the pack to become Time’s ‘Most Evident Freak of 2025’, Karp was physically incapable of staying still during his interview with Andrew Sorkin. We cannot confirm anything of course, but it says something that Palantir’s official account posted the video with the incredible lead line: ‘While cross-country skiing this morning…’ What it says exactly, we just can’t work out, but maybe you can.
It all puts us in mind of some of our favourite ‘excitable’ public appearances. We’re thinking of course of the (now publicly sober) Daniel Radcliffe and his appearance on Alexa Chung’s show. Also deserving of a mention is sentient bollock Conor McGregor giving an excitably ‘refreshed’ boxing masterclass to one Michael Gerald Tyson. But the greatest of all of them, ever, comes from Steve Ballmer and the Silicon Valley of yesteryear: a clip so great it can be cued up with just a singular, repeated word. Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, DEVELOPERS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fcSviC7cRM
And His Name Was John Cena
This week saw the end of John Cena’s career as a pro wrestler. The all-American boy whose slogan was ‘never give up’ tapped out in the ring, an act of submission that rasslin’ fans have not taken to well, especially targeting Cena’s suspiciously Nazi-flavoured mononymic opponent, Gunther – which feels harsh given he was only, ironically, following orders. As one of the two biggest names to come out of the insane sport-drama that is World Wrestling Entertainment (along with ‘The ‘Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’ Rock’), it’s a moment for reflection even for those of us who care not at all for the coming and goings of the great, glittering canvas.
His time inside the squared circle wrought volumes of strangery, as life in the world’s longest-running pantomime is wont to do. There were his early characters: The Prototype, where he pretended to be a cyborg, and his stint as the Doctor of Thuganomics, an attempt to cash in on the growing popularity of rap and the image of the white rapper in the post-Vanilla Ice, mid-Eminem era. Like many angry young white men of that era, his persona then seemed to join the army, steadily morphing into a Wahlbergian totem for the dying days of the War on Terror, swapping his slogan of ‘WORD LIFE’ (???) for the more camo-flavoured ‘Hustle, Loyalty, Respect’.
This militaristic presentation reached its zenith with his rousing, baffling live announcement of the death of Osama Bin Laden, broken to the audience at an almost identical time to President Obama’s national address. Standing on the commentary desk near-breathless after a gruelling steel cage triple threat match, Cena famously declared to the crowd in Tampa, Florida that ‘we have caught and compromised – to a permanent end – Osama bin Laden,’ before raising his hand in the trademark Marine salute that he acquired from playing the lead marine in the 2006 action film, The Marine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6maL6gq6qME
That said, Cena has not limited his diplomatic interventions to national politics. Take his fracas with the Chinese government in 2021. He referred to Taiwan as a country in a press tour for the upcoming installation of the Fast & Furious franchise (which he also learned Mandarin for) and had to go full gun-to-head apology as a result. Then there was the time he bought 55 suits, his obsessive Tic Tac habit and his strange actual rap career that developed out of his in-ring character. Garnish with the fact that he is the most prolific celebrity collaborator for the Make-A-Wish Foundation – racking up 650 wishes fulfilled, none refused – and you get a hell of a profile which several of our staff would like to write.
As you mull on that, enjoy this Christmassy match Cena was involved in where he fought Alberto Del Rio because Del Rio has accidentally run over Santa with his car. Cena fought hard for the festive side and when it looked like he would be cheated out of a victory, a certain ruddy-cheeked gentleman garbed in red came to his aid. By god, King, is that Santa’s music?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2rP-qJQLuQ
In Case You Missed It
Luke Winkie writes a masterpiece on the decline of Las Vegas.
Chuck Schumer wins least sensitive comment of the week. Donald Trump’s entry doesn’t count for obvious reasons.
The rejection letter Gertrude Stein received on her manuscript that became Three Lives.
Recent centurion Dick Van Dyke’s preferred means of travel is the office chair.
The world’s most powerful worm depository did pull-ups after a press conference.
The Mexican police’s contribution to the Revolution Day parades was beyond ridiculous.
And Finally
For years, drummers and bassists have been locked in heated battles over who is the more easily forgotten member of the band. For the record, it’s the drummers. And this, really, is a shame. Not necessarily because listening to straight drumming is for everyone – if it’s for you, here’s two phenomenal Nate Smith clips – but because they’re usually the maddest one on the stage.
For no one is this more true than Cream’s own Ginger Baker. A phenomenal drummer and general lunatic. A pioneering musician, heroin addict and a loudmouth he famously declared that John Bonham ‘couldn’t swing a sack of shit’, all The Beatles could do was ‘go bish-bosh diddy-bop, bish-bosh diddy-bop’ and that ‘People say Cream gave birth to heavy metal. If that’s so, we should have had an abortion.’
As a result, he’s been the subject of two brilliant documentaries. Most recent was Beware of Mr Baker, where Jay Bulger – a rather annoying man, ideally placed to irritate Ginger – goes in search of the now reclusive Baker. It features a slew of interesting celebs and a broken nose. It also references the other film we have for you, Ginger Baker in Africa, a documentary of the drummer’s drive from Algeria to Nigeria in a Range Rover. He was going to Lagos to play with Fela Kuti, and the result of the drive was one of the best albums either he or Fela would ever make.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80LfQZUxeP0
But if that all feels a little too intense, don’t worry, we have a true cheshire-cat of a man sidling up to the drumstool to soothe your soul. His name is Bernard Purdie, better known as Bernard ‘Pretty’ Purdie. He is almost certainly the most recorded drummer of all time, with over 4,000 recordings on some of the most incredible albums of the 20th century. He’s the drummer on Gil Scott Heron’s Pieces of a Man and has recorded numerous tracks for James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Steely Dan, John Lee Hooker, BB King, Miles Davis, Hall & Oates and Letta Mbulu. For our second fab four reference of the day, he also claims to have made a number of Beatles recordings for which Ringo Starr is still credited.
Here is an old VHS tape of him laughing, smiling, babbling and ‘splainin’ the iconic drum beat that he developed while listening to the sound of the locomotive that ran past his childhood home. ‘Don’t worry ‘bout those ghost notes, ain’t nothing but rebound!’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8DsNo4KB6Y
And with that, we cease newsletterations for another week. To get in touch with us about an order, please email support@the-fence.com, and a reminder that if you go to our shop and enter code PRINT15, you can nab a year’s sub with 15% off for any non-subscriber. For the latest tricks and tips, get in touch at editorial@the-fence.com. The Balearic Island Cave Goat was the only goat species to have forward-facing eyes. See you next time.
All the best,
TF