Dear Readers,
Good evening, and welcome to Off The Fence. In vivid confirmation that the country really is going to the dogs, Issue 13 landed late from Lithuania on Friday, which means that we will be distributing and sending it on Wednesday for arrival with you all later in the week.
Owing to the delay, we are going to keep the price of a subscription at £25 until the end of the week – an extra two days to fill your boots, before it is raised to £30 next time we join you.
Today, the editor, who is the only full-time member of staff, is celebrating his 34th birthday. All he wants is ten new subscribers – and you will make him a very happy old man. Sign up here and he can buy a bottle of prosecco when we pack the magazines in Battersea later this week and we share the fizz out in plastic glasses.
Now, we’re not doing any Westminster content this week – it’s all a bit ‘too real’ right now, but we have got a delicious buffet of tips, links and featurettes for you. Enjoy.
Tell me About the Jalfrezi
One of the most popular pieces we’ve published is Sejal Sukhadwala’s ‘In Search for Memsahib’, a Putney restaurant with a bracingly direct PR strategy that sadly couldn’t stop the place from going bust in the early eighties. As Sejal writes so movingly, there seems to be no trace of it either online or in the archives.
So we were delighted when Andrew Denny dropped us an email last week, to tell us that he remembers the Memsahib and its ‘wacky owner’ well, and that food was ‘actually pretty good’ – the menu included spoof choices like 'rat-atouille' and 'mouse-aka', and the restaurant was endorsed by Rentokil.
Andrew remembers going to the local cinema in Putney and seeing an ad for Memsahib which was narrated by Kenny Everett (obviously a local fan himself), who ‘spieled all sorts of funny stuff and ended with the sign-off: ‘And the best thing about Memsahib is ... NO FLOCK WALLPAPER!’
The next time Andrew went in, he remarked on how good the ad was, compared to cinema ads for other restaurants, and the owner said ‘Yes, other restaurants serve good food but have rubbish adverts. We serve rubbish food but have great adverts!’
A Montecito Dispatch
Whatever your view on Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, it is fair to say that the Daily Mail’s coverage of the Californian-based pair could be described at the very least as ‘dedicated’.
We hear that the would-be media moguls have won a particular nickname at Northcliffe House, where they are referred to in the newsroom as ‘Sparkles and Dumbo’.
HyperNewsletterisation
Some of you have mentioned that you enjoy the leftfield cultural tips and links we offer in this mail-out, so we’re going to give a ‘shout-out’ for little-known documentarian, Adam Curtis, whose latest work is now available on iPlayer.
Using archival footage to track Russia’s societal change in the 80s and 90s, TraumaZone really is as good as everyone has been saying it is. But for some reason, Curtis attracts criticism across the political aisles. So, last year, Dan Gavshon-Kirkbride put together an Adam Curtis Hate Matrix that we are delighted to have a reason to share again.
Fever Pitch
After 15 years in the doldrums, Arsenal are top of the Premier League again, and their fanbase, by some distance the most irritating in London, are starting to believe, and the pubs of Highbury and Islington are starting to simmer with anticipation.
Gooners are a peculiar bunch, with their unknowing talk about tactics, and ‘the process’, and their constant infighting (famous Arsenal fans include Piers Morgan and Osama Bin Laden).
While Gooners run the full gamut of cringe, perhaps the most embarrassing is Bully, who looks like a pirate (a pirate who vapes) and is a mainstay of Arsenal FanTV. In this Reddit post, Bully’s style is captured perfectly:
‘He never stops screaming insults at players. Everyone is a cunt, everyone is a paedophile… He wires himself up doing little pirouettes of anger, shouting at the crowd sometimes.’
It has been rumoured that Bully is able to follow Arsenal around the country and Britain because, in a plot twist that Nick Hornby might reject, a washing machine fell on his head, and he was paid handsomely in compensation.
But it is all true. In this video, as Bully upbraids midfield hardman Granit Xhaka for his (alleged) inability to tackle, he utters the immortal line ‘I didn’t bottle it when the washing machine fell on me ‘ead.’
If only more media careers had such a dramatic inception!
At the Landlord’s Pleasure
Last Friday, Vittles published the first excerpt of their latest blockbuster: a list of London’s greatest pubs, edited by Jonathan Nunn and Andrew Kersley and featuring contributions from many friends of this parish.
You can read the central London number here – and we have been very fortunate in having a preview of the list in its entirety. Anyone with an interest in London and its history will be delighted with the piece, and if you are unfamiliar with Vittles as a publication, then this acts as the ideal entrée.
Now, it does beg the question whether writers writing about pubs could be boiled down to a pure listicle format, i.e. ‘Top Five Pubs near the London Library to have a drink after a day “working” on your novel’. And so on and so forth.
Parliament Hill Vintners
The pintwomen and pintmen among you will be unsurprised to learn that The Southampton Arms is in the list. Is it the best pub in London? Yes, it is, and by some margin, too. Now, the lucky people of Kentish Town can walk 300 metres up the road to Swain’s, which we reckon to probably be the best wine bar in London.
There has been much talk of a ‘new breed’ of wine bar, which more often than not, are operated by tattooed men in their thirties offering natural white wines from the Jura that cost the same as a year’s subscription to the London Review of Books.
Swain’s is different: it’s a vinous matriarchy, run by women with long careers in the industry serving bottles you can afford and with some delicious rillettes, too. Opposite Hampstead Heath, it’s one of the happiest corners in the capital, and there is a very friendly dog with an underbite called Leroy who will sit on your lap while you sip something suitably autumnal. It really is a special place.
A Promising Young Playmaker
As many of you will know, Kieran Morris is the deputy editor of The Fence, working six days a month to bring you the magazine and general good cheer and the occasional baked good to the office. And everyone who knows Kieran well will have heard the story of the Honduran Maradona – it’s one of the most astonishing tales, and the whole thing has now been published by the Guardian. If you haven’t read it already, stop what you’re doing and read it now.
As someone said online, it’s a ‘long read but worth it’, which does make you think twice about this whole ‘long read’ game. Too often these 5000-worders are about cheery subjects like genocide, so it is a turn up for the books to have an extended feature on a schoolboy prank that went right.
And while we are giving, as we do most weeks, further promo for the good burghers of York Way, it would be most helpful if some more Guardian staffers put their hands in their pockets and subscribed – send £25 of the Scott Trust millions our way and you can read this free newsletter with a guilt-free conscience.
Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold
We have been asking for more ‘Strong Anecdotes’: choice tales relating to the idiosyncratic figure of Roy Strong, historian, curator and unlikely gym bunny. And a reader has obliged us.
According to our correspondent, when Timothy Clifford – who had clashed with Roy in the past – was appointed head of the Manchester Art Galleries in 1984, Sir Roy sent him a magnum of champagne with a card which read ‘Congratulations on reaching your final appointment’.
We’ll Pick up the Bill
A young writer called Hughie Shepherds Cross (which is a good name) got in touch to ask us if we could bring our star columnist, Secret Chef (less of a good name, so we’re going to refer to him as ‘SC’), to review Hughie’s play, Out to Lunch, which is about restaurant critics. SC couldn’t make it – but the play is excellent, and we hope it will extend its run.
But after some discussion, we’ve got SC to put down the boiling pans and pick up the poison pen, and now that critics have been sliced and diced, he will be reviewing restaurants, and the first booking has already been made.
If you’re not familiar with his work, you can read the first review of the restaurant reviewers here – as SC filets Jay Rayner.
All the Fun of the Fair
Davey Jones, legendary Viz cartoonist and scribe, drew the box illustration and banknotes for Pandemillions, our board game that puts you in the role of a government minister during the height of COVID. Your job is to splurge as much public money as possible while staying clear of pesky journalists and the-then Prime Minister’s wife’s bad books.
Davey has shared some photos of the game, so you can admire the level of care and craft that went into producing it. We only made 40 copies of the game, and there are still a few left for retail sale – it will, in all likelihood, be worth a bit in the years to come when Railing Media buys Condé Nast, so if you’re keen for some pandemic-related laughs and you’ve got an eye for a bargain then reply to this email and secure your copy.
The Tashkent Express
Thanks to Lewis Birchon, we have some more Tyson-related stories. Iron Mike had apparently invested in the Gardens Residence in Uzbekistan's bustling capital, and the owners were keen to make sure everyone knew about it – complete with a short video of him coming back to his home away from home, which really does have to be seen to be believed.
As the developer's press release advertised (perhaps rather tellingly, given the man's reputation) ‘anyone willing to become Mike Tyson’s neighbour can contact the sales office of the company.’
In Case You Missed It
For our friends at Dirt, Jameson Rich (another good name!) writes about the lack of aimless slacker heroes in today’s cultural landscape.
Sebastian Rotella and Kirsten Berg track the globetrotting Chinese spy who met with Donald Trump.
What could possibly go wrong? Natasha Lance Rogoff tells the story of how Sesame Street was adapted for Russian television.
GD Dess surveys the perfect little sentences of today’s literary scene, and denounces the cult of craftism.
The really rather amazing story of how Angela Lansbury saved her children from drug addiction – and the clutches of Charles Manson – by moving from California to deepest County Cork.
And Finally
Joanna Hogg, celebrated filmmaker of austere examinations of the English bourgeoisie, is lifelong friends with Tilda Swinton, the woman who quite literally played the Snow Queen and who has collaborated with many of the world’s leading artists across different formats.
So, you would not expect them to lose their minds over the ‘latte art’ of one very talented barista. But that is exactly what happens in this charming, charming clip.
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That’s it for this week, and we will join you next Monday with another dispatch. In the meantime, if you’d like to chat to a member of the editorial team, you can do so by replying to this email. Issue 13 will be with UK subscribers by Friday at the latest, and you can join their number at the link below. Until the next time.
All the best,
TF
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