Dear Readers,
Good afternoon, and welcome to Off The Fence, a digital companion to our quarterly print operation. Issue 11 has now landed on doormats across the country, and we’ve been delighted with the response so far, including this wonderful reviewette from the good people at Magculture.
If you haven’t had the pleasure of flicking through the latest outing, then there are a number of copies available from our webstore here, and you can also pick up some archive jewels too.
And if you have received Issue 11, please do share snaps of the mag out in the wild – either on Twitter here, or on its more beautiful cousin, Instagram.
To business. Today, we lead with an investigation into our phone-addled elected representatives.
What’s Up, Baby
It’s not news that the denizens of Westminster rely heavily on WhatsApp, a cross-platform instant messaging service with a retro interface beloved by the British nation at large. While it’s handy for organising stag weekends, ill-fated school reunions and sending videos of cats to your parents, the app has become a central mechanism of government, so much so that a recent report from a think tank suggests that the government must ‘get a grip’ on the use of WhatsApp to dispel the impression of ‘sleaze and corruption.’
Sleaze and corruption are one thing, but ‘embarrassing’ and ‘boring’ are another – and a bit more our speed. Who’s got the cringiest profile picture in Parliament? Who loves to meme the most? We spoke to a number of Westminster insiders to find out more.
According to two sources, the dullest texter is Mark Logan, the MP for Bolton East, who apparently sends ‘very long voice notes’. One question we wanted to know was this: are there any MPs who prefer an iMessage to the double-ticked thrill of a WhatsApp text? Many sources confirm the totally unsurprising news that Jacob Rees-Mogg prefers the old-fashioned form of textual communication.
Back in 2014, emojis were used exclusively by teenage girls, but they’ve now become an established part of the English language (we love them). Though you would think that they’re hardly an appropriate communication tool for the denizens of the Mother of Parliaments. But you would think wrong. One source informs us that this particular weapon – 😂 – is near universal among MPs, so much so that ‘they’d be speechless without it’. We also heard that Andrew ‘Thrasher’ Mitchell loves to deploy the ‘flexed bicep’ – 💪.
Asking which MP had the cringiest profile photo bought the most interesting array of information. We saw a snap of Iain Duncan-Smith posing proudly with his Morgan sports car. Ben Everitt, who lists his recreations as ‘family, watching rugby, drinking beer’ is looking down the sights of a rifle, dressed in camouflage (he has no military experience). Lee Anderson is actually drinking a beer (a Corona with a lime, from what we can make out). And we heard one particular funny story that Sajid Javid used to have Morph, the plasticine mischief-maker as his photo of choice. According to a source, this fun little snap was chosen for him by his former special advisor, Carrie Johnson.
The statuses (stati?) make for interesting reading. Jess Phillips has ‘ready for the leaks’. Nadine Dorries opts for ‘just let me finish this chapter’, and James Cleverly simply has ‘Global Britain.’
Some of the most eccentric behaviour comes from the ‘Spartans’, those ardent Brexiteers. We hear that Steve Baker uses his own bitmoji ‘very liberally’. Andrew Bridgen, according to multiple sources, is the biggest memelord in Parliament, and has sent some particularly fruity stuff over the years, though our source refused to go into details.
At the same time, there are some MPs who are able to conduct themselves with bracing normality. We hear that Diane Abbott, Chris Bryant and Tom Tugendhat are reliable, sane and appropriate texters.
And Tugendhat, we are told, also uses the auto-delete function, where his messages disappear after a week. Might this perennial leadership hopeful be clearing the decks for a crack at Downing Street? We might text him to find out.
You’re All I Need to Get By
This newsletter has become rather too popular of late – there are now almost 4,000 of you signed up for our weekly dispatch. And we will continue to bring you original and fresh journalism right here, but we do need people to keep subscribing to the print magazine to keep our heads above water.
While food, bills and holidays get dearer, the price of an annual subscription is staying lodged at £25 for the year, which makes for an agreeably ridiculous amount for four issues of the best writing from the most exciting young and youngish writers on the block, all decorated with beautiful illustrations from the surest hands across the land. So, if you’ve been enjoying what we do, then please do subscribe today.
Sixteen in the Clip and One in the Hold
Yesterday, Scarlett Curtis – a feminist and activist – tweeted footage of her brother Spike on stage with Dave, Streatham’s finest, belting out the anthem Thiago Silva at Coachella festival. According to Scarlett, the Curtis family ‘have never seen him rap before.’
Which is interesting, as the Daily Mail reported that Spike, under the alias Petit Savage, made a debut rap album at the age of 12 back in 2016. Yes, Spike is the son of Richard ‘Four Weddings’ Curtis – memorably described as Tony Blair’s Leni Riefenstahl by Rupert Everett. And he’s also the nephew of PR supremo Matthew Freud. We’re sure his rap career has far to go.
That Man in the Cravat Suit
Every so often, we’ll put an article on Instagram, which is pretty much giving it away. Tom Howells’ time at Black Dog Publishing has everything you want from a doomed tenure at a dysfunctional employer: a mad boss, a bizarre workplace and a hex from occult filmmaker, Kenneth Anger. It’s all available to read here.
Branzino al Forno
The Guardian and Private Eye are perhaps the two publications closest to The Fence’s heart, and staff at both companies have been extremely generous in helping us along the way, so the growing spat between the two is cause for concern.
Some have suggested that the Eye, Britain’s leading current affairs magazine, might have found J.K Rowling’s celebratory lunch at the River Café a suitable subject for its satirical energy: a billionaire writer hosting a meal for her allies at one of London’s most expensive restaurants.
Instead, they published a report into Owen Jones, perhaps the most vocal pro-trans rights advocate in British media, that an ‘independent investigator’ had found Jones guilty of ‘bullying’ a female colleague over one of her columns. (The Fence understands that the investigation was conducted by a 'people intelligence' company called Howlett Brown).
Jones and the Guardian deny these claims, with an official spokesperson writing to us that they take ‘internal complaints seriously and investigate them thoroughly. In relation to the Private Eye story it is not true that anyone was found guilty of bullying.’
Speaking to a number of sources at York Way, a different picture emerges, of how a dispute over womens’ rights has engulfed the newspaper. The staffers we spoke to refute the notion that Owen Jones is a workplace bully, with many pointing out that he has been viciously assaulted by members of the public (a fact that Private Eye omitted from their report).
Speaking to The Fence, columnist Zoe Williams describes it as ‘a dedicated attempt to make Owen a non-person’ in public debate. While Jones may be a controversial figure to some, and he certainly uses his social media presence with no little vigour – there are enough legitimate angles of critique on his persona and methods without the need to invent new ones.
From what we’ve heard, American hacks are keen to tell the full story of what has transpired these past few years at York Way – which will be to the detriment of us all labouring within British journalism.
In Case You Missed It
Perhaps the most moving piece of the Easter weekend came from our very own features editor Séamas O’Reilly who has written beautifully in the Observer about loss, what ifs and long waits for new life.
Another powerful and seasonally appropriate piece came from Sam Leith, as he explores his feelings about his father, Top Gun and the Resurrection.
Keeping to those key Easter themes – Christianity and chocolate – we were both impressed and educated by this bravura exploration of faith and food in the context of eating disorders: Fat Jesus and the Desire to be Thin by Jayne Manfredi.
But Easter isn’t the only event we’re marking this week. It’s 30 years since the death of comedian and regular self-resurrecter of his own career, Frankie Howerd. This hilarious, informative and surprisingly affecting biography of Howerd’s infamous wig (about which he was incredibly touchy) – the work of Graham McCann – is well worth a read to mark the anniversary.
Of course, not everything stops for festivals or anniversaries – the war in Ukraine continues and, whilst most Western angles on it strike notes that are platitudinous at best, we thought this interview by Diyora Shadijanova in The Face (one of our absolute favourite magazines) with Ukrainian rapper Alyona Alyona was superlative. If you read one thing on Ukraine this week, make it this.
And Finally
Easter is the great feast of the Christian year – we know many of our readers have been in the midst of it and are currently enjoying a well-earned rest. Of course, there are as many ways of celebrating Easter as there are churches out there – our editor at large spent Easter eve setting off fireworks with a church in south London, whilst our deputy editor headed to Spain and got involved at the business end of Holy Week with this remarkable display on Good Friday. Whether it’s the outfits, the atmosphere, the casual conversation with the police officer, or the bagpipes – this video has it all.
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That’s the lot for this week. If you’d like to write to us, then you can do so by replying to this email, and one of the two staffers on deck will get back to you promptly. We’d love to hear how you’ve found the issue, and if there have been any articles that you particularly cherished… do let us know.
We’ll join you again next week, when we’ll be back on the usual Monday timeslot. Until then.
All the best,
TF
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