1. I live in an astonishingly small ‘apartment’ which people are jealous of because it has a kitchen.
2. Out of the window of my apartment I can see either a red brick wall, or another apartment where an old couple live who yell stuff like ‘Marge? Where in the hell have you put my slacks?’
3. Their apartment costs about 40 ‘dollars’ a month, due to ancient rental witchcraft.
4. My second home is the L Train, which is running in a way it shouldn’t be.
5. There’s always some dance troupe trying to make a viral video on my train, and I find this really annoying because I use up all my patience working five jobs.
6. You would often find me queuing up for a warm bagel with pastrami, which is my favourite kind of smoked or cured beef. I eat it while I walk down the street avoiding hot dog vendors and people filming The Avengers.
7. Some days, I barge into people on purpose though, because look, I have somewhere to be, you know? I’m walking here!
8. My ex-boyfriend is getting into improv.
