Wordsworth
Pretends to be above it all in a tediously predictable manner.
William Blake
Heartbroken Lexiteer.
Virginia Woolf
A remainer, but a spectacularly unhelpful one.
Brontë Sisters
Can’t get over the fact that Branwell voted leave.
Coleridge
Irritated by how much time he spends following the action on Twitter.
Joyce
Refers to the whole thing as ‘the strange-eyed spectacle on Little Britain Street’ and is unsurprisingly very pleased with his little meta-textual pun.
Nancy Mitford
With Decca now national convener for Momentum, and Diana a special correspondent for Fox News, she’s certainly no shortage of material.
Rochester
Starting to get very hacked off with Andrew Marvell posting political memes in the lads WhatsApp group.
D.H Lawrence
Still trying to sell the details of his affair with Annunziata Rees-Mogg to the Daily Mail.
Henry James
Finds the Trump/ Brexit analogies inexcusably facile.
Scott
Bankrupt: he re-mortgaged Abbotsford to finance the Rory Stewart campaign.
Dr Johnson
Triumphant Leaver. Jeers whenever Simon Schama appears on the TV.
Byron
He writes that he enjoys the ‘spectacle of despoiled Britannia burning from afar’. In reality, he has a big wedge invested with Odey Asset Management.
Daniel Defoe
Eccentric Remainiac patriarch. Toddles off to the local newsagent to photocopy Marina Hyde articles, which he then posts to his children.
T.S Eliot
His line about ‘pondering what Lancelot Andrews would have made it of all’ is beginning to run thin.
Tennyson
Bored by Channel 4 producers asking him to make a documentary about his childhood in the Brexit heartlands of Lincolnshire.
Pope
Currently re-writing The Dunciad.
Swift
Amused by the whole thing, but depressed by the commentary accompanying it.
K. Amis
True to contrarian form, a voluble Remainer.
Larkin
Fallen out with Amis owing to the above.
Laurence Sterne
Has learned to modify his views when he comes down from Coxwold.
George Eliot
Militantly remain, but friends scoff at her claim that she’s never met a leaver.
Oscar Wilde
Making a fortune with his series of glittering op-eds for the New York Times.
Thackeray
Dinner party dominating Remainer. Keeps pestering Fintan O’ Toole if he would like to be put up for the Garrick.
Spenser
Fanatical no-dealer; totally opposed to any negotiations in any form with the Republic of Ireland.
E. Browning
Elizabeth Barrett Browning #FBPE #Peoples Vote &/or #Revoke Article 50 🕷️ has never been one for concession.
Conrad
Deeply humiliated that Daniel Kawczynski is sponsoring his Settled Status papers.
Chaucer
Still, despite the plaintive pleas of his friends and family, completely and utterly obsessed with Anna Soubry.
Keats
Didn’t vote four and a half years ago, now dead.